A FRIENDLY ST. PATRICK’S DAY NOTICE FROM THE TOWN WATCH.
Concerning Leprechauns, Redcaps, and Why You Should Stop Accepting Drinks from Strangers
By order of the Captain of the Watch, posted on the 17th of Ches—
and no, this is not a joke circular, despite the timing…
Citizens of good standing,
As St. Patrick’s Day festivities commence—complete with green ribbons, shamrock badges, and an alarming surplus of cheap ale—the Town Watch would like to remind everyone to celebrate responsibly.
This includes, but is not limited to:
Not dueling in the streets
Not attempting to kiss the statue of the Founder
And not mistaking murderous fey creatures for charming holiday mascots
Yes. We are speaking of Redcaps.
“Aren’t Redcaps Just Leprechauns with Attitude?”
No.
And we cannot stress this enough: absolutely not.
A leprechaun, as far as folklore is concerned, is a mischievous cobbler who may or may not reward cleverness with gold. A Redcap, on the other hand, is a small fey predator that soaks its hat in fresh blood to keep itself alive and angry.
Unfortunately, some Redcaps have recently demonstrated what scholars are calling “problematic adaptability.”
In plain terms:
They have learned that if they wear green, speak in a jaunty accent, and shout things like “Top o’ the mornin’!”, people will invite them closer.
A Brief Incident Report (Redacted for Cleanliness)
On the evening of last year’s festival, Watch Patrol Three encountered what witnesses described as “the most enthusiastic leprechaun you’ve ever seen.”
Small? Yes.
Red cap? “Dyed for the holiday,” allegedly.
Iron boots? “Part of the costume.”
Said “leprechaun” challenged passersby to feats of strength, arm-wrestling contests, and friendly dares involving headbutting barrels.
Those who accepted later required:
Medical attention
Clerical assistance
Or, in one unfortunate case, a closed casket
When confronted, the creature flew into a violent frenzy, striking with surprising force for something barely up to a dwarf’s waist. Several guards reported that it seemed unnaturally difficult to knock over, and that its temper only worsened once blood had been spilled.
Which brings us to—
How to Identify a Redcap Disguised as a Leprechaun
Please review the following carefully:
Green clothing alone is not proof of safety.
Redcaps have no objection to festive attire if it helps them get close.Watch the boots.
Traditional leprechauns wear soft shoes. Redcaps favor heavy iron footwear, ideal for kicking shins and kneecaps.Unusual strength for size.
If a “leprechaun” effortlessly lifts a keg, flips a cart, or dares you to wrestle a horse—walk away.Aggression when ignored.
The hat. Always the hat.
If the cap looks stiff, dark, or smells like old copper—do not ask questions.
“But They Were So Friendly!”
Yes. That is the trick.
Redcaps are clever in the way. They mimic laughter, cheer, and celebration because those things lower your guard. They thrive in crowds, noise, and chaos—places where a scream sounds like merriment.
Once violence starts, it does not stop quickly. A Redcap that tastes blood becomes faster, angrier, and harder to put down. This is why Watch protocol dictates overwhelming force and, if possible running away.
Official Town Watch Recommendations for the Holiday
Celebrate in groups
Do not follow “leprechauns” into alleys, cellars, or “secret pot-of-gold locations”
Do not accept dares involving violence
Report any suspiciously aggressive small folk to the nearest guard post
If a creature offers you gold in exchange for a “friendly game,” politely decline and back away
And for the love of all the gods — STOP TRYING TO PET THEM.
In Closing
St. Patrick’s Day during the Green Grass Festival is a time for joy, music, and shared drink. The Watch does not wish to dampen spirits—only to ensure those spirits remain inside mugs and not haunting your family afterward.
If you see a leprechaun today, smile, wave, and keep your distance.
If you see a leprechaun wearing a red cap that looks damp — Run and alert a guard.
—
Sergeant Haldrin M. Voss
Third Spear, Town Watch
“Protecting the city so you can make questionable holiday decisions…safely.”
